Silver Aegis #4 - Tales of the Parodyverse

Silver Aegis #4

“The Secret Origin of the Silver Aegis: Alone on the New Frontier”

“This is outrageous!” the Vice President of the United States railed to his kidnapper, “When you’re caught you’ll be put in front of a firing squad!”

“Indeed?” the cloaked figure wondered before striking a kitchen match off of the man’s ill-shaven jowls. He took a moment to light his cigar before leaning back to further taunt the second highest ranking figure in the American government, “I think, Mr. Vice President, it is you who should be worried about your own execution. I have no doubt that when I hand you over to the Brothers Castro they will condemn you for crimes against their revolution.”

“I knew it! You may wear grey but on the inside you’re all Red!”

“Actually, I see myself as an adherent to the theory of Adam Smith’s ‘Invisible Hand’, an entrepreneur of sorts. You could say my preferred color is green,” the villain known as the Grey Specter sauntered over to the open door of the railroad car and admired the view, “We’re almost to the border, gentlemen. Get ready. If he is going to make a move it will have to be soon.”

“What?” the Vice President looked around the car at the squad of hooded thugs prepping their submachine guns, “Who are you talking about?!”

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!! was the sound of the rapidly approaching crop duster. The Grey Specter watched impassively as a man in silver chain mail climbed from the plane’s passenger seat and shimmied out to the wing, one hand holding onto a prop, the other a blue circular shield.

The caped man stubbed out his cigar on the heel of his boot, “Just in time. Kill him.”

BRATTTATATATATATATT! the minions shot wildly, missing their mark. The Silver Aegis didn’t even need his shield for protection. He waited for his ride to match speeds and trajectories with the train and leapt-

WHAM! -crashing headlong into the gunsels, sending them scattering like duckpins.

“Specter,” the superhero acknowledged as he punched out one of his attackers, “I never expected it to be you behind such a ridiculous stunt. You always seemed to be the one foe we fought who had some common sense.”

“Silver Aegis,” the archvillain pulled his Luger, “I see you’ve finally yielded and donned the regalia President Truman wanted you to wear during your tour of the Korean Peninsula. Excellent,” he took careful aim at the star on the cowl’s forehead.

FLING! FWAP! BLAM! the Silver Aegis threw his shield and disarmed the master criminal. Shaking his hand and cursing, the Specter lurched over to the other side of the freight car and slid open the door. He quickly disappeared outside.

“Oh no you don’t!” the Silver Aegis cracked together the heads of the last two hoodlums standing and set off after his enemy.

SLAM! Aegis took a foot to the side of the face as the Specter kicked down from where he clung to the train. The hero nearly lost his balance and tumbled to the hard Arizona ground. As he caught himself he watched as the Specter clambered up to the top of the car, his great grey cloak billowing behind him.

Again the Silver Aegis leapt, this time a flawless back flip that put him right next to the running villain.

“You’re really better suited for the haunted house motif, Specter; out here you look ridiculous!” POW!!

The Specter staggered back. He nearly tripped over a misplaced track switch rod. Seizing the weapon in his gloved hands he menacingly moved forward, “I did what was necessary to bring you out, Mr. Scoggins. Now its time to learn if you have what it takes to surpass your mentor.”

“What? UHF!” the Aegis was stunned by how quickly the Specter moved, driving the bar directly into his midsection. As the hero doubled over in pain his enemy raised the weapon high over his head and brought it down towards the back of his neck-

FAPP! Silver Aegis caught the blow with his hand. WHAMMO! he leveled the Grey Specter with an uppercut to the jaw.

Again the villain lurched back, this time to the edge. His long, streaming cape suddenly caught on the outstretched arm of derelict mail crane, snatching the Specter off his feet and off the train itself, leaving him dangling, twisting, in the setting desert sun.

By the time Silver Aegis had untied the Vice President, gotten the conductor to stop the locomotive, and run back to the crane, the Grey Specter was gone.

“But it was his audacious return that finally made me realize that, while the Golden Aegis was dead, his mission wasn’t. There were still plenty of criminals, masked and otherwise, out there, trying to tear America down. So I re-upped, for the third time, but not as Scrapper, Youth of Liberty, or Sergeant Scott Scoggins, USMC, but as the SILVER AEGIS. I worked with the directors of the FBI and the CIA to stop both domestic and foreign born menaces. The Specter never showed his face again, but I did fight guys like the Communist Manifestation, Gangster Zero, and even my old foe Krieghändler, who was now working for the Russians. Not to mention the aliens, radioactive monsters, and missing links that kept popping up. *Sigh*, I don’t care what the historians say, the fifties were never boring,” Silver Aegis stated.

“And the sixties felt like they would be just as tumultuous, and now, looking back at the history, they clearly were. But in 1961, there was a sense of optimism. That anything was possible. A new, young President played a part in that, and so did the Space Race.

“The prospect of flying to other planets excited me more than anything had in a long time. I was proud to be chosen as a candidate for the first space launch, until it became clear the Russians were trying to crash the program. Instead of in the air my country needed me on the ground, ferreting out the saboteurs. So the honor of being the first man in space was going to go to the pilot friend of the physicist who designed the rocket.

The plan was to launch in secret, in hopes of catching the commies off-guard. So one June night the Shyminksy Falls Space Center prepped the craft for take off. Unfortunately, we weren’t clever enough:

CRASH!! “OK, you fascist creeps, hands – You!”

The Silver Aegis gaped in shock at the twisted amalgamation of flesh and metal that was his greatest enemy.

“Güten Abend, Amerikaner. It appears you have found me,” Der Krieghändler snapped to attention and gave the hero a Nazi salute, “How unfortunate for you it comes too late. I have placed a bomb on your accursed rocket! Now America’s Space Age is over before it has truly begun! HAHAHAHA!”

“I’ll deal with you later, Krieghändler!” the Silver Aegis ran from the observation bunker and sprinted for the launch pad, “Smoke, coming from the engines! It’s about to take off! Only one chance- HRNGH!”

He leapt onto the rocket just as it tore away from the gantry, catching onto the side of the craft. As it screeched to the heavens, the Aegis scoured the ship’s hull in search of signs of tampering, “There! A bomb has been welded to the fuel pod. I need to use my shield to pry it free!”

The Silver Aegis struggled to remove the device, as precious seconds ticked away. The rocket was now miles from home, above the cold North Atlantic Ocean. Finally, as the air became thinner and the Silver Aegis began to feel his skin freezing, he ripped the bomb away. Both he and it fell from the rocket, plummeting downward to the icy waters below.

“I used the shield to protect me from both the explosion and the impact of landing in the water (it’s made from some combination of elements that let it absorb inertia), though the crash was enough to stun me. The cold combined with the chemicals that gave me my powers to put me in a sort of suspended animation, freezing me for forty six years, until SPUD revived me,” the Silver Aegis stood and bused the tray of empty coffee mugs.

“Golly!” Lewis Hollander’s exhaled, overcome by the dramatic retelling of the tale.

“Yes,” Josie said frostily. She had long ago stopped taking notes, “Golly. You realize, mister, I don’t believe a single word of what you’ve been telling me. There was never a Golden Aegis active in World War Two, nor was there a kid sidekick named Scrapper. No Silver Aegis, or Grey Specter, or Krieghändler! There was no space launch from Shyminsky Falls in June of 1961! Your tale has all been one long stream of bull feathers that even the most novice of cub reporters could fact check and refute. So why don’t you stop wasting my time and tell me what the real story is?”

Scott Scoggins patiently shook his head, “I’m getting to that, Miss Hart. I just wanted to fill you in on my history before I showed how my presence here is possible. Shall we?” he motioned to the door.

“Wherever you’re taking us better have the answers I want,” Josie frowned as she stomped out the door, “Let’s go, Lewis.”

‘I agree, you shrill harpy,’ the man claiming to be Lewis Hollander thought to himself, ‘for I too, must learn the secret of the Silver Aegis… before I destroy him!!’

Next: From Deep Within the Plot Hole!

Post By Silver Aegis Tue Mar 27, 2007 at 06:35:10 pm EDT	Subject Silver Aegis #4

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